who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
babies were throwing up all over the place
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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