Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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