Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
