My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just found puke in my bra..
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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