im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize