Define "chronic" masturbator.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
