that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
