Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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