Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
