I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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