And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
