Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
