I just made out with a guy for $7.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
