i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
