Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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