You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
