I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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