He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
