my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize