don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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