i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
