I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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