I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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