ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
