I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
