How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
