That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
