had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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