Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
