Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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