I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
