1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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