Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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