Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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