Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Still dying that you shit outside
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
