Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
