So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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