We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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