I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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