So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
