No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
