four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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