we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
