i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
