If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
