I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
