I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
