guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
