And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
