you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize