Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
