I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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