Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
