I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
