just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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