Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize