Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
