so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i out mim tonsoeep
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