i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
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