Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
