i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
