i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
