I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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