Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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