I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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