I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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