it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
