Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
