nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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