I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize