The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
