We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
