I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
