You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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