dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
