come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
