so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
