just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
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