sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
