new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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