This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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