Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
