ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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