I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
