sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
