My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
