If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
