drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
