Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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