I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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