Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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