i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
