your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Boobs are out for the taking
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
