yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Oh god it's open bar.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
