I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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