so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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