His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
