Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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