I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
